You dont know him.
You met him once.
He’s an amazing guy, but you never had the chance to give any approval.
He treats me so incredible.
Better than any man has treated you.
You gave no one a chance.
Not even me.
What the fuck happened?
What was the change?
We use to take in homeless people, and just love everyone.
But you couldn’t even bare to know my now husband.
You couldn’t go through my pregnancy with me.
You couldn’t even try to come to our wedding.
Or congratulate me when I have a good job.
More then what you could say you have.
Just be there.
Jokes on me, right?
It’s hurts me just as much as it hurts you. Or does it?
Hey mom I’ve been here. Did you even realize?
Or are you to cockblocked to even give a fuck?
My hate is coming out and that’s not who I am.
I’m this magical, amazing, strong woman, but damn do you bring my feelings out!
I think your lost forever!
I hope not, but after all this time can things really be changed?
I pray one day you will come around.
Make a dinner with me.
Watch a movie with me.
We go shopping together.
We celebrate birthday parties together.
You help make food for the party.
You get to know my husband and you think, damn he’s a great fucking guy.
We go and get mani and pedis together.
We make adventurous memories together.
Ones that didn’t involve you drinking.
My girls tell me all these crazy stories about how grandma took them down to the pond and you almost fell in or something silly happened.
How their smiles came from their grandma.
“Grandma taught me this today mom!”
Only in my dreams.
I will never hear that.
But I want to.
As I sit here crying and writing this.
This is my dream.
I have hope.
I always will.
How the fuck can I forgive someone who CHOSE this? Like all of us were just an option for you.
I’m not this sappy bitch.
I’m a courageous person.
You took a lot from me.
How can I forgive you.
You brought me here. Why would that ever be fair to my soul?
Your a burden to my heart.
I need to move on for my sanity.
It’s not fair to live with this heartache.
I missed out.
You missed out.
I pray you find your way.
My way is more important.
Maybe when your drunk and you say “I’m sorry” it will bypass.
If you don’t remember, I’m your twin.
We look alike. Well at least we used to.
I look in the mirror and see you when you were my age.
I’m reminded everyday that I’m from you.
How the fuck can I forgive you when I see you every fucking day of my life?
You just don’t see me.