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Clearing My Mind


Heroin was his drug.

I had no idea. He seemed fine, normal if anything.

I know he did many other drugs, but after we broke up that’s when I realized.

I couldn’t see what was in front of me.

Clearly never opened my eyes.

There were many stories that people told me that made complete sense, and filled the hole in the stories of when he disappeared, or was just at a friends house.

I remember being in the hospital, giving birth to Kylie and he said he was running to the store.

3 hours later…

I believe that day he cheated on me and got high.

Again when he came back he was normal.

But maybe his high was his normal.

He was a very damaged person. Stole from his parents all the time.

His mom was severely sick and needed a lot of medication.

He would steal her medication from her all the time.

His demons completely took over and he lost himself in drugs.

He cared about nothing.

He’s been in and out of prison. Last time he got out he messed up again, within a week, and he got high.

Stole a company truck from a gas station that had $100,000 dollars worth of tools in it, then proceeded to go on a high speed chase. Still managed to jump out of the car, run, and got away.

But they seen his face and picked him up later.

Now he sits.


I’m just honestly happy that he hasn’t tried to make contact with Kylie in any way over the past 6 years.

She has an amazing father who would do anything for her.

She deserves the world, nothing less.

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I’m a mess, a loving, caring, working, try to put my makeup on everyday, always smiling or to exhausted to function, mess. But it’s okay I wouldn’t change it for the world. Follow my journey, you and I will figure things out together!

6 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. It seems like you’re in a better place now and I am happy for you. We do tend to be blind to our loved ones flaws and mistakes while we’re in love with them. Have a good one and be safe. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people


  2. Ruby.. Sometimes when we are not accepted, we try to seek attention.. and I think that was “HIS”.. method to live life.. ! You never know how is childhood was, and what broke him as a human being



    • I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope she finds her way and I really hope you stay strong. For your sake if you need/can step out for awhile for you to be okay then you need to do so. God bless and stay strong 💕



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