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Don’t Sugarcoat It

72 comments

I told him to stop.

And by who, I mean Kylie’s biological father.

I was only 4 weeks postpartum of having my first child that completely ripped me and I had to get stitches.

I wasn’t completely healed.

I told him to stop.

I said no.

He said “your fine”, ” it will be okay.”

I forced my legs closed. I only had so much force.

I’m pushing him, yelling at him. Saying no. Screaming STOP!

As he pushed himself into me. I went to a different world.

I was silent.

He kept going, no worries for him as my own vagina ripped.

I had a tear or two. But then I sucked it up.

Just deal a little bit longer, Felicia.

You can do this.

Maybe that’s why I float.

Because in a 5 minute span, MY BODY was taken from me.

It was permanently marked.

Your not pretty. Your fucking ugly. You think your beautiful? Your not, stupid bitch.

His words of wisdom, that I heard and felt everyday.

When your left to feeling nothing, you think you amount to nothing.

I’m useless.

WRONG.

My story does not amount to what he tried to make me.

I’m fucking fearless.

Sorry your such a bitch to ever understand what you TRIED to put me through.

I’m brave enough to stand here and tell everyone viewing this that I didn’t realize I was raped right away. I knew what happened was wrong. But rape? No, not me. That was me trying to belittle what happened.

In the society we live in you think it’s not a big deal. You deal with it. You make it seem small. Your his girlfriend so having sex is an expectant thing. That wasn’t sex. I said stop. What he did wasn’t right.

It is and will always be never okay for any person to go through.

We can feel powerless. But the truth of the matter is we are powerful. We have to stay strong.

IM STRONG.

YOUR STRONG.

HE’S WEAK.

RAPISTS ARE WEAK.

This blog was very hard to write. I stressed about it. I let my story out for the whole world to see. That’s scary. This subject is hard to talk about. If anyone out there relates or just needs a friend to talk to. I’m here.

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I’m a mess, a loving, caring, working, try to put my makeup on everyday, always smiling or to exhausted to function, mess. But it’s okay I wouldn’t change it for the world. Follow my journey, you and I will figure things out together!

72 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. **hugs** I am so sorry this happened to you, that someone you trusted ignored your boundaries and raped you. I’m sorry that you believed his lies and his toxic bullshit. And I’m thrilled you are strong and brave and resilient enough to tell this tale.

    Liked by 1 person

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      • I admire your braveness and I know that you are reaching out to people who are scared. You are the light in someone’s darkness! I thank God for your life and I know that he has mighty and great plans for you. continue to use your talent to reach lives.. you are amazing and wonderful.

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      • I admire you bravery. I thank God for your life for being the light on someone’s darkness.. continue to use your talent to reach the world. You are amazing and great.

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  2. Sugar coating truth is never truth at all and you wrote it and i can understand your pain and the shiver that you feel as you type it out. Stay strong.

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  3. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I really am. And I really hope things are a lot better now. You seem so and brave. Here you are, telling your tale and it takes such strength to do so! I admire you greatly. Sending you love and strength xx

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    • My life is great now! I have an amazing husband and 2 kids. I’m glad your keeping up with my journey! It means so much to me to get my story out there and let people know they aren’t the only one. Thanks again!!

      Liked by 2 people

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      • I’m so glad to hear that! And you’re very welcome. 🙂

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  4. Wow! I hope that you are at peace. Nobody deserves that type of treatment. “Hurt people, hurt people.” Sounds like he has some issues of his own. You just keep being beautiful and pray for him for your child’s sake 🙂

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    • He definitely has his own issues but he lives a separate life. Which is perfect because my husband is all she knows since she was a baby. I’m very blessed and very at peace. Thanks for taking the time to read. 💚

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  5. You are so brave. And I can understood how much strength it would have taken for you to write this down. You are an inspiration to so many females around the world who feel ashamed of what was not even their fault. I hope you have had an amazing life after that ugly chapter of your life. I wish you all the blessings. Loads of love.

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    • Aww, i am definitely a stronger person after that chapter in my life! My life now I’m really beyond happy. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my journey. My goal was to get my story out there and inspire and now I feel like I’m doing it! Thanks again!💕

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  6. You are very brace telling your story. You demonstrate resilience and strength. I admire you writing honestly is scary especially about rape. I am glad you now know that it was rape and you found a great platform that embraces your writing. God bless and he will make sure this story impacts your audience greatly.

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  7. Me again, Ruby…. My childhood sexual abuse was so horrific, so severe and I didn’t learn about it until I was 50 yrs old; but recently I received EMDR counseling which helped me so very much to deal with trauma, like having PTSD when you are raped, abused, etc. Please check it out. Thanks.

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    • I will definitely take the time to read you blog. It sucks that we relate on such a horrible experience. But we all get through things and I hope your in a better happier place

      Liked by 1 person

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  8. Wow. Your strength is amazing! I feel it’s almost condescending to apologize, but I feel for you. Your bravery is mind blowing as i doubt I could post something this personal, but to be able to share your story is beautiful. Stay strong. ☺

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  9. My heart ripped into a million pieces reading this piece. I’m so very sorry for this tragic and traumatic experience. Sending all my love and prayers! You are a strong and beautiful soul, and I’m so proud of your courage when writing this post. Sometimes, the things we go through in life tear us apart, but justice and karma will always be served. Hoping that each and every day will heal you ♥️♥️♥️

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  10. it’s so brave of you to speak up about this, sending hugs from here, I hope your path will be filled with peace and more happiness in the future 🙂

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  11. Thank you for sharing your story and reading some of mine. I know where you’re coming from and how you felt, though my situation was not nearly as violent or painful. I’m glad to see you are doing well now. Sending you love in Christ!

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  12. Wow, this is one of the strongest! It’s sad you went through all this hell but again glad that you got to share it. It indeed takes strength to write it out. Thanks for sharing, it will most def speak to people. Keep up. Can I re-blog this?

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  13. Pingback: Don’t Sugarcoat It – Adventure Gal – Phoebe

  14. My clicking Like is NOT saying I like what happened to you. It is my recognition of your voice… a bravely lifted one. Praying for you and Kylie. I’m not sure how long ago this has been, and how you are, but our Father in Heaven knows and loves you.

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  15. I can imagine how hard your blog and the subject was to write and talk about. But, the good thing is that it’s like opening a can. Sometimes they’re a little hard to get open, but once you do, what’s inside usually begins to poor out more freely.

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  16. Powerful piece! I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well today. Your strength and courage is inspiring to others, who believe that they could never move forward!

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  17. powerful. solidarity to you and everybody who has ever been in this position. you are strong and beautiful and worthy. ❤️keep going

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. That was not the actions of a real man. I am sorry for your pain and hope that you can find a partner who will support and cherish you. Kind regards, Andy

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I definitely found my amazing husband now. He’s my world! Thank you for reading and if you have time I hope you read more to get the full story thank you so much! God bless💕

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  19. I am so sorry that you experienced this. We live in a world where many people don’t understand that they do not “own” other people’s bodies and that just because you had sex before doesn’t mean that you do consent or must consent every time. So many use rape as a tool of power or demonstrate “power”, but it only shows how weak they truly are. You are strong and courageous for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Thank you! That’s exactly what happened. He needed to have the control. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. ❤️

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  20. I came across this post when searching for something else – ways of speaking to my son about sex.
    That no means no will be priority in the conversation we have. It would always have been priority, but your post has made it more urgently so.

    I’m so sorry you went through that horrific violation of your body and mind. Thank you for sharing an extremely difficult experience. XX

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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