I’ve had a miscarriage.
That miscarriage was heart breaking. We were so excited to have a baby. We kept taking a whole bunch of pregnancy tests, for a few weeks, and they all kept saying negative. Until we finally got our results for positive!
Except a lot of those older tests weren’t negative they were all positive, but we just didn’t wait long enough for the results. We laughed at that.
So we hit the 8 week appointment. Everything seemed okay, but the heartbeat wasn’t very strong. We needed to get an ultrasound to make sure. We finally got to the ultrasound appointment, after 3 days of stressing.
They told us there was no heartbeat.
I was crushed. Jon was crushed.
I remember sitting in our bathroom. Jon and I were just holding each other bawling our eyes out.
The doctor told us that the miscarriage would pass soon and to just be prepared.
Jon was at work at the time and I had just gotten out of the shower.
Wrap my towel around my body.
Walked into the living room to check my phone and sit down for a second.
Then my body told me something was off.
I started walking towards the bathroom. One foot touching the tile floor.
Bloody mess. My baby is passing, this can’t be real.
I didn’t truly believe what was happening until it actually fully happened.
“What if the doctors were wrong,” was all I was thinking up until I walked into my bathroom.
I tried calling Jon, and when I finally got a hold of him he was just as sad as I was. How I couldn’t go through this with him, it sucked. I understood why, but this whole situation was just heartbreaking and I just wanted his arms wrapped around me, telling me everything was going to be okay.
I was in the bathroom for 2 hours until the bleeding slowed down.
I sobbed sitting on the toilet. I sobbed trying to take another shower.
What did I do wrong? Why me?
I stopped blaming myself very quickly, I knew this wasn’t my fault.
I may have only been pregnant for 8 weeks, but this was our baby. Our beautiful Angel baby. Rest In Peace my love. My peanut. We love you.
This sad experience led to our rainbow baby.