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Gives Hope

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I’ve had a miscarriage.

That miscarriage was heart breaking. We were so excited to have a baby. We kept taking a whole bunch of pregnancy tests, for a few weeks, and they all kept saying negative. Until we finally got our results for positive!

Except a lot of those older tests weren’t negative they were all positive, but we just didn’t wait long enough for the results. We laughed at that.

So we hit the 8 week appointment. Everything seemed okay, but the heartbeat wasn’t very strong. We needed to get an ultrasound to make sure. We finally got to the ultrasound appointment, after 3 days of stressing.

They told us there was no heartbeat.

I was crushed. Jon was crushed.

I remember sitting in our bathroom. Jon and I were just holding each other bawling our eyes out.

The doctor told us that the miscarriage would pass soon and to just be prepared.

I wasn’t.

Jon was at work at the time and I had just gotten out of the shower.

Wrap my towel around my body.

Walked into the living room to check my phone and sit down for a second.

Then my body told me something was off.

I started walking towards the bathroom. One foot touching the tile floor.

Bloody mess. My baby is passing, this can’t be real.

I didn’t truly believe what was happening until it actually fully happened.

“What if the doctors were wrong,” was all I was thinking up until I walked into my bathroom.

I tried calling Jon, and when I finally got a hold of him he was just as sad as I was. How I couldn’t go through this with him, it sucked. I understood why, but this whole situation was just heartbreaking and I just wanted his arms wrapped around me, telling me everything was going to be okay.

I was in the bathroom for 2 hours until the bleeding slowed down.

I sobbed sitting on the toilet. I sobbed trying to take another shower.

What did I do wrong? Why me?

I stopped blaming myself very quickly, I knew this wasn’t my fault.

I may have only been pregnant for 8 weeks, but this was our baby. Our beautiful Angel baby. Rest In Peace my love. My peanut. We love you.

This sad experience led to our rainbow baby.

Penelope

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I’m a mess, a loving, caring, working, try to put my makeup on everyday, always smiling or to exhausted to function, mess. But it’s okay I wouldn’t change it for the world. Follow my journey, you and I will figure things out together!

4 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. Oh, Ruby – I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s really difficult to find the words to express the feelings involved, and be coherent.

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