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My Babygirl,

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The most beautiful thing in the world. I was 15 when I had her. She changed me for the better.

The night before I felt contractions, and I just wanted my mom. Not completely in labor I went to her house. Sitting on her chair, I remember thinking, out of all the times I needed her, this was the time that mattered most.

She comes downstairs and she’s high. Crack was her choice of drug. Every time she smoked she had the biggest smile. The most softest, sweetest voice just like the smell of it, sweet. I hated it. I needed her.

She starts talking to me and all I could think of was how bad I feel bringing Kylie into this scary world, sad life. Then before I knew it mom said ” I will be right back honey, I’m going to go get my treat.”

I get on the phone with the hospital and after and hour dealing with my high mother I need to leave.

I get checked into the hospital, and after an hour my contractions stop. But since I was 39 weeks they said they are going to induce me in the morning.

I was so excited I couldn’t sleep, I just wanted to meet my babygirl to hold her and love her for the rest of my existence.

The morning is here and they induced me. I asked for the epidural. My mom showed up. I was shocked beyond belief. After they gave me the epidural I fainted. I felt like my heart dropped and I just drifted off. I could hear my mom yelling, then I remember them lifting my legs up and coming to. That really scared me. Scared my mom too.

Before I knew it, it was time to push. My baby was coming and omg she’s beautiful. Crying tears of joy, so happy to call her mine. She came out not crying just really alert. She just watched everyone and everything for about an hour. She was perfectly healthy. Looking up at me with those eyes melted my heart. I never was going to let her go.

Life flashed before my eyes. She’s 6 now.

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I’m a mess, a loving, caring, working, try to put my makeup on everyday, always smiling or to exhausted to function, mess. But it’s okay I wouldn’t change it for the world. Follow my journey, you and I will figure things out together!

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